It's been a while...

...since I last wrote. My sweet husband died from cancer in January, leaving me without a caretaker. I miss him every day. I am still functioning on a fairly high level, mostly consisting of forgetfulness and lapses in judgment. I am still teaching, and will continue to do so as long as I am smarter than the kids!

I have dear friends and family around me that keep me on track and are not afraid to hurt my feelings a little bit when I get off track.

I am so very fortunate!

J

Interesting article: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/1395417.stm

"Really awesome article this morning in the NY Times about artist William Utermohlen, who after being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease, began drawing/painting self-portraits. The self-portraits, viewed in chronological order, reveal the gradual deterioration of his mind and spirit.

Because Alzheimer affects the “right parietal lobe,” it gets harder and harder to visualize an image and be able to draw it. Art by Alzheimer’s patients becomes “more abstract, the images are blurrier and vague, more surrealistic” and “sometimes there’s use of beautiful, subtle color.”

Looking at these two pieces shoots cold lightning down my spine. It’s so hard to admit to yourself that something you think you do with your heart and soul is really just a bunch of wires connecting your hand to your brain. Maybe it’s for that reason that I find Alzheimer’s to be the most terrifying disease out there.

We’re machines, and machines break down.

Mom! Dad! Guess what I got!

I woke up crying this morning thinking about telling my mom and dad.

How do I tell my parents that I have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease? What sort of a screwed up world is it to have to give that horrifying information to the people I have loved my whole life? What do I say?

I recently spent 2 weeks at their home in Texas, so they know that I am "forgetful"... but they have not heard the recent diagnosis yet. They are on vacation in Florida for a week, and I don't want to give them the news until they get home. I woke up this morning crying, wondering how to tell them. What words can I say?

Here are my thoughts about that: My brother lives near them, and I will tell him so he can be there with them when I call with the news. Lame. I know. But it's the only thing I can come up with right now.

Where do I go from here?

This is for my family.

This is for my friends.

This is for all of my students who I have loved through the years and who have given back to me so much more than I could ever have given them.

I love all of you more than you could possibly know.

My hope is that this blog will let me say the things that matter to the people who matter most to me.

I am a young (50 is young!) woman,
wife to an incredible man who I still love deeply and dearly,
mother to a brilliant and creative son (20),
and a beautiful, amazing daughter (16).

And I have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease.